I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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