$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
