well you can't waste a boner
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He passed out mid-signature
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
