his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
