I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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