dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
