I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
