i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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