I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
