The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
