Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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