I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
