Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
