Having a random hookup so left but love u
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
