Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
