Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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