My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
