we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
