Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
