Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
