Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
