She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
