But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
