Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
