Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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