Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
