I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
