he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
