That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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