you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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