A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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