i think i have two assholes
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
