the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
