Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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