There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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