but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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