Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I need mimosas to revive my soul
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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