she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
