I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
