That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
