I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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