It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
