dude i'm inner monologue high
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
