She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
