I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
