areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
