nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
