Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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