Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
