First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
