dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
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