I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
