im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
