I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm getting married
To pizza
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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